Beside the Point
by In-betweens
Summary: Emma breaks the curse gets everyone back to the Enchanted Forest and she's not happy about it. Not happy about it at all. SwanQueen Semi-crack fic. I don't know what I was thinking when I wrote this. It's a silly little something that came out of a convo. There are mild sexual situations and bad language. Hope you enjoy!


**Title**: Beside the Point  
**Plot**: Semi-crack fic. I don't know what I was thinking when I wrote this. -Emma breaks the curse and she's not happy about it. Not happy about it at all. SwanQueen  
**Disclaimer:** Do not own any of the characters and am not going to be making any profit from this crack fic.  
**Author's Note**: Not beta read. All mistakes are mine. This stemmed from a conversation I had with my sister and cousin in regards to what would happen if/when Emma was forced/made to live in the Enchanted Forest.

**Part 1 of 1**

Emma paced back and forth unable to keep still. She was going to wear through the only pair of sneakers she had left at this rate faster than she wanted to.

Life here in Fairytale world SUCKED.

Thanks to the curse breaking, and her stupid self for ending it, she was stuck…_here._

Inside a castle full of servants and candles and tiles and big stones with feasts and festivals and no electricity!

What was she going to do without electricity? She'd traveled back to this world with only what she was wearing…and what was in her pockets. Thankfully and perhaps unthankfully she had been carrying her iPod in her pocket when the curse broke.

How she'd broken the curse Emma wasn't exactly sure. She'd only just come in from her morning run and kissed Henry on his forehead good morning and then did the same with Regina.

Though, granted, she had kissed the mayor on the lips and may have let her hand slide a bit low on the Mayor's backside. Where her hand was when she kissed her girlfriend was beside the point.

The point was that she was now in a world without electricity. Without cars. Without rock and roll and Pop and Jazz. She was stuck with the classical sounds of flutes and harps and drums and it just wasn't the same. She needed music, real, passionate, bass, hip gyrating, speaker thumping music.

Breaking the curse was supposed to give everyone their happy ending. It was supposed to set everyone free. Well, she wasn't happy. Not in the least. No, she was a very very _angry_ and unhappy Princess!

Princess!

That was another thing! She was freaking royalty. Royalty!

They wanted her to wear dresses. No, no, not just dresses but ball gowns and high heels and ruby fucking slippers! Oh no, that was from the Wizard of Oz—which Regina had told her was true. Galinda was a pain in the ass but Regina and Elphaba apparently met up for lunch every few months. .Blink.

Regina passed along this information as if it was a natural bit of information to pass on. As if having finger sandwiches and juice with a green skinned witch that flew on a broom and had flying monkeys as pets was NORMAL!

That was beside the previous point.

This new point was that they wanted her to wear dresses!

Gowns! Heels! Garters!

They wanted her to take etiquette lessons, as if she didn't know how to play nice with the dignitaries that all wanted something from her. They may have had a teeny tiny right idea with the etiquette lessons but she wasn't about to go to them. She was 29 years old, she wasn't going to learn how to properly sip her soup or sit in a chair or wave to the masses. She was no Anne Hathaway in Princess Diaries and the old croon they had hired for the lessons was certainly no Julie Andrews.

Henry took naturally to all of this. It seemed the kid was always meant for royalty. He thrived here. He loved riding horses and wearing frilly nilly garbs and being doted on by just about everyone, including his grandparents. Emma was glad to see him so happy. He fit in better here in Fairytale world than he did in 'the real world'. So long as Henry was happy she would be content.

Contention did not mean happiness in this case. It meant she was at ease, comfortable, for the most part. She was fine. Not good, or happy, or joyful, or excited. She was _just_ fine.

Oh, and they wanted her to ride horses. You know, those big long snouted four legged animals that smelled, were high up off the ground, had heartbeats and personalities and inclinations to _throw her off of them_. Yes, them. They wanted her to ride horses.

They—being her mother, father—and please do not get her started on learning that Mary Margaret Blanchard and David Nolan were actually her parents, because talk about creepy. She was physically two years older than her own parents. She would be 30 years older than her sibling because guess what! 'Mom' and 'Dad' were having a baby! YAY! She could be her sibling's mother. How messed up _was_ this!?

Her new sibling took to the back burner though. She had her own kid to worry about and her current lover was her mother's sworn arch nemesis/step-grandmother. _That._ Was. Definetly. Besides. The. Point.

Even Henry was weighing in his two cents and was trying to get her to ride the horses. She refused. Simply because she was afraid she'd fall off. Regina had almost, _almost_, convinced her to learn to ride. But then Snow White/Mary Margaret had come in and there had been awkwardness abound when she and Regina had to cover themselves quickly because it looked like Snow White/Mary Margaret was going to drop dead from the shock of seeing them atop each other, buck naked, and doing things the poor woman had never seen before. ("The Shepard must only like missionary position." "Regina! Not now! That's just…ewww! Ugh, God, no. No. I can't. Ive got VISUALS now Regina! Damn it!")

It wasn't as if Mary Margaret hadn't walked in on them naked while in Storybrooke. So why it became World War Three-or would it be World War One since this Fairytale world hadn't had a world war yet?—with Snow White/Mary Margaret screeching at the top of her lungs about how inappropriate it was that Emma was with "th-tha-that _woman_…" Stuttering, seething, and scorn all included was _**beyond**_ Emma.

That was beside the point again.

The newest point was that Regina had failed in her attempt to convince her to take riding lessons.

Emma knew she was going to try again. Preferably when both her 'mother' and 'father' and Henry were not at the castle. Or maybe they'd sneak away to Regina's castle. That might actually be fun.

Emma had yet to see the Dark Fortress/castle/getaway. They'd stayed here at the White Castle—and NO she did NOT mean the fast food chain that she would give her left arm to have a few more belly bombers from—since the rest of the population of the Enchanted Forest had come back.

Emma had convinced Regina to play nice long enough to satisfy both King David and Queen Snow White. ("James really did sound so much better, don't you think dear?" "Ah, yeah, sure?" "Of course you would say that Regina. He'll always just be a Shepard to you, won't he?" "Well, I wasn't the one to bring up his pedigree dear, you were. But yes. Once a Shepard always a Shepard." "Ah guys, could you not…" "Not now Emma." "Yes, not now Ms. Swan, your mother and I need a moment to settle this." "Uhh…fine. I'll just…go.")

Satisfying her 'parents' meant she and Henry would be safe living with Regina in the Dark Fortress. It wasn't going so well. Or going at all really. Not when Snow still had these moments where her eye would start twitching whenever she saw Emma kiss Regina, or touch Regina, or stand next to Regina, or look at her across a room.

*Sigh* It just wasn't going anywhere.

Emma was actually looking forward to getting away from all the hustle and bustle of this castle though. She imagined Regina would have a lot of work to do once she returned to her own castle but if it meant they were far enough away from her 'parents' that they could enjoy some alone time in her nice large comfy bed? She'd handle Regina's late hours and cranky moods. Hell, she was actually looking forward to seeing just how stocked Regina's dungeon was!

A girl needed something to do when she was bored and with no electricity, or good music, or her car, there were limited options. She wasn't horseback riding, she wasn't taking etiquette lessons, and she sure as hell wasn't looking for a male suitor. She adored her female Evil Queen just fine. An Evil Queen who came equipped with her very own dungeon! Talk about possibilities.

There was no television. No radio. No bedside lamps. No light bulbs, meaning every time she wanted to see something at night she had to light a candle or get a torch. Emma wasn't stupid enough to try reading by torchlight ever again! How was she supposed to know those things popped out flame pellets that could set things on fire within the blink of an eye! Seriously! Who knew that shit could happen? Belle had been devastated when she'd returned the charred remains of her borrowed book. And Regina hadn't been thrilled when she found Emma had also accidentally used their incredibly expensive bed linens to put out the curtains she'd also accidentally set on fire. That had been...kind of exciting, but not really. There was no 911 to call for the help of the fire department and the room smelled like smoke for weeks cause they had to air it out the old fashioned way. Just like with everything else.

After two months Emma was willing to try anything to alleviate the boredom and stress of living in the Dark Ages any way she could. If having kinky medieval sex with her domineering girlfriend was the answer to that? _**So be it**_. She would accept all of her punishments with a very satisfied smile and 'Thank you Mistress'.

They, meaning her parents, didn't expect her to do much else than find someone to marry, have kids with, and take care of the castle while child rearing and bearing. Which, do not get her **started **on the passionate speech/lesson/ass-whooping she'd given Snow, David, Blue Fairy, and anyone in the vicinity of a mile after that little stickler of information. Any feminist would be proud of the ideals she had forced down their throats.

Babies, ha! Men, phff…expecting her to take care of the castle and the children!? Fuck no!

She'd made it very clear that she was not going to be anyone's 1950's house wife and she was happy—not just content—to be with Regina. Even if Regina was the Evil Queen around these parts or maybe because of it, whatever it was it didn't matter. She'd chosen Regina. She would always choose Regina.

Hell, the long hair was such a wonderful added bonus when they made love she didn't much mind the flowing capes and dominatrix heels. No…no she certainly did not mind those heels.

That was beside her point. Though she couldn't recall what her next point was supposed to be, too busy thinking about Regina in her flowing red and black cape, corset, leather pants and dominatrix heeled black boots. And how she looked out of ALL of that with the tiniest bit of sweat glistening on her bare skin. How it would taste to flatten her tongue against Regina's stomach and swipe it up towards her breasts. Mmm….Yum….

Oh, oh! That's right!

The newest point was that she couldn't stand how Sydney Glass could appear in _any_ reflective surface, _where ever_ and _whenever_ he wanted. She'd removed all shinny objects from their room so the man couldn't see more than he was ever supposed to. Talk about Dark Age stalking. Jesus! The last thing she needed to see again was that man's glowing ethereal face staring open mouthed and panting above her and Regina while Regina did that **wonderful**…_beautiful_…_**spectacular**_ thing with her tongue!

*Shiver* Ugh…never again!

Regina had mentioned they'd need to take down a lot of mirrors when they went to the Dark Fortress and Emma didn't want to know how many 'a lot' was in Regina terms. She feared it would be near hundreds, and if it was she was calling on the Seven Dwarfs—who were all doting on her, even Grumpy now that he and his fairy girlfriend Nova were together and happy—to help.

It would pay off to have seven loving uncles who were scared shitless of Regina. It was good too because she didn't have a phone book or the internet to look up day workers who could pitch in to help.

It was living in the middle fucking ages and she was already tired of it. She'd only been here for two months and she was ready to get Regina to cut out her own heart so Regina could do the curse again.

Anything to get back to the 'real world' where she had internet and television and lights that turned on and off with a flip of a switch. She was ready to do anything to get out of this 24/7 365 day New York Renaissance Fair life. There was just too much here that she didn't enjoy.

"Aren't you looking dashing in those riding clothes." Emma shivered as Regina moved up behind her, the brunette's lips naturally latching on to the side of her neck.

Emma swallowed as her head instinctively turned to the side to allow Regina better access.

Behind her Regina wore a purple and black corset, her black and red cape, and black opera gloves with sharpened tips for her fingernails.

"Ready to try again, love?"

"I was thinking about it."

Regina smirked, "That bored hmm?"

"Yes…"

"You know…" Regina's hand slipped beneath Emma's shirt, her gloved hands cool against her heated skin.

Goosebumps rose over Emma's skin as the hair along the length of her body stood erect.

"…there are…" Nails trailed their tips gently over the edge of Emma's pants leaving pink streaks in their wake.

Emma moaned.

"…other ways…" the witch bit down into Emma's neck and sucked hungrily at the skin.

Emma gasped as her hands clutched tightly at Regina's leather clad thighs.

"…to remain entertained."

Emma spun around into Regina's arms silencing the teasing wench.

The point was, there were a lot of things she did enjoy and maybe life here in Fairytale world didn't suck, not completely.

**The End**


End file.
